Here we are in mid-September, what is probably -- possibly outside of the "holiday season" -- the busiest time of year. The kids are back in school, the baseball season is heading into clutch time, the NFL is underway (unfortunately for fans of the Vikings, Falcons, and Giants), and the new TV season is here.
Actually, the idea of "the new TV season" is sort of antiquated. Networks now -- after years of viewers checking out in summer and "midseason hiatuses" and not returning -- are unwrapping new series about as often as Elisabeth Hasselbeck says something stupid. But still, old habits die hard -- most shows on the traditional networks debut or have their season premieres between now and Halloween. So what's going to work and what won't? (Bear in mind I would have bet my pancreas that "Ghost Whisperer" wouldn't have made it past episode five.) Let's look at the lineups night by night:
Monday. NBC is hoping to build on "Heroes" with two shows that they believe will appeal to the same audience -- "Chuck" and "Journeyman." ABC will use a 90-minute "Dancing with the Stars" lead-in to push its new comedy "Samantha Who?" CBS will add "The Big Bang Theory" to its comedy block. FOX has already premiered its cop drama "K-Ville." Winner: CBS. "The Big Bang Theory" pilot isn't funny, and I'm a little peeved I have to wait for new episodes of "The New Adventures of Old Christine" to make room for a show that believes that nerds are intrinsically hilarious, but it's in a time period that practically can't miss. Unless you count "The Class." Loser: "Samantha Who?" Formerly "Sam I Am," this show stars Christina Applegate, whose previous sitcom, "Jesse," couldn't survive with a "Friends" lead-in. ABC won't be patient with a huge drop-off from "Dancing with the Stars" and viewers will literally be asking "Samantha Who?" by Thanksgiving. (Sorry, it was too easy.)
Tuesday. Perhaps the most wide-open night of the week. ABC has the comedies "Caveman" and "Carpoolers," CBS has the Jimmy Smits family drama "Cane," NBC has a "heavy" dose of reality with "The Biggest Loser" and "The Singing Bee," while FOX lineups two of its best -- "House" and "Bones." Winner: FOX. They get off easy by only having to program two hours, but no two-hour block on any other network is as dominant as this. Loser (tie): ABC/NBC. With comedy being an endangered species, it takes either guts or stupidity to lead off your night with not one, but two new half-hours. I'll bet on stupidity. As far as NBC, I just can't believe that junk like "The Biggest Loser" and "The Singing Bee" will survive against more formidable competition. I know "The Biggest Loser" is a proven success, put hopefully fans really liked now-departed host Caroline Rhea and will now stay away in droves.
Wednesday Wow. What are these shows? On a night overrun with new series, look for CBS to survive with the formidable duo of "Criminal Minds" (unless Mandy Patinkin is WAY more popular with the CBS audience than he is with me) and "CSI: NY." Winners: "Bionic Woman" and "Dirty Sexy Money". Both shows have good buzz and, in the case of "Bionic Woman," presumably a built-in fan base. Look for NBC to eventually pair it up with "Heroes" to shore up at least one night. ABC's "Dirty Sexy Money" could be this year's critical and commercial hit -- it's got a great cast and great buzz to go along with that great title. Losers: Wednesday at 7 PM shows. "Pushing Daisies" sounds to me like a critical darling that won't catch on; "Kid Nation" will make CBS re-consider shelving "Power of 10"; "Back to You" is too old-school for FOX. Audiences who have to watch TV at this hour will settle in for some "Deal or No Deal" comfort.
Thursday. This night is why you have a TiVo. Winner: I want to say NBC, because the line-up of "My Name Is Earl," "30 Rock," "The Office," and "Scrubs" is the best comedy lineup in decades -- it's saying something when the classic "Scrubs" is the weak link, but I have to go with CBS. Smart move bringing back "Without A Trace" to complete the clean sweep of the night. Losers: "Big Shots" -- looks horrible. FOX -- someone must be watching "Don't Forget the Lyrics," but I don't want to know who those people are and I don't want them in my house.
Friday. Go out instead. The networks are betting you will. Winner: "Women's Murder Club". Not on Friday, but on some other night. ABC will move this promising show to a better night when a time period opens up, which should be before I finish writing this blog. Loser: "Moonlight". A vampire show? One that CBS wouldn't let critics see? Could be the fastest cancellation of the season.
Saturday. Winner: Real-live human interaction. Unless you rent a movie. Losers: Those viewers keeping "Cops" on the air.
Sunday. Winners: Everybody. There is something for everyone on this night, and there should be -- it's the most popular TV night of the week. "Desperate Housewives," "Sunday Night Football," "The Simpsons," "Cold Case." Lots of choices. Losers: Unfortunately, not a lot of room for newbies on this night. I like "Viva Laughlin," but no one else seems to. It probably won't work. And as for "America's Funniest Home Videos," haven't we seen enough babies hitting Daddy in the crotch? No? Geez, I'd better send in that tape...
